Native Tribe Says It Was Here First

From our Humor Department:

The tribal nation says that it owns the land because they were here first. We must believe them. How are we to know otherwise? So, pay up, colonists!

What do we expect the tribe to say, anyway? That they destroyed the tribal nation that occupied the land before they came?

Of course not.

But we do know that they were the last ones to occupy the land before we came. If we’re ever invaded by someone else, we should use the same speech. We’ll have to cut the native tribe in for a piece of the welfare benefits from the new Bureau of American Affairs (the conquerors’ replacement of our own Bureau of Indian Affairs) in order to buy their silence. If they start looking for who first occupied the land, who knows where it will all end?

Worse, what if any new conqueror treated us European descendants the same way we had treated the Native Americans? We would definitely have to cut a deal and keep our mouths shut.